Monday, April 05, 2004
Several of my friends have asked me what happend to my blogging... one friend said he figured I must have given it up for Lent. No... just been a little busy lately. you know.. life and all.
Things are good most days. I'm learning to ~ well... I'm not sure I can explain it at the moment. Suffice it to say that I'm learning. And learning is always good.
I love my husband and kids more everyday... truly I am blessed. They are great people and I am a better person for having them in my life.
I'm leaving in about 10 minutes to go register Josiah (my baby!!) for pre-school. He is SOOOO excited! If all goes well there and he doesn't do any face plants between now and then (which is entirely poissible...) I'm going to take him to get his pictures taken at Walmart. Wish me luck!!
Peace.
Things are good most days. I'm learning to ~ well... I'm not sure I can explain it at the moment. Suffice it to say that I'm learning. And learning is always good.
I love my husband and kids more everyday... truly I am blessed. They are great people and I am a better person for having them in my life.
I'm leaving in about 10 minutes to go register Josiah (my baby!!) for pre-school. He is SOOOO excited! If all goes well there and he doesn't do any face plants between now and then (which is entirely poissible...) I'm going to take him to get his pictures taken at Walmart. Wish me luck!!
Peace.
Saturday, February 28, 2004
Jim just showed me how to put these pictures on my blog. Very cool. The 2 that I put over to the left here are from the Emergent village website... original art done by brothers and sisters there as an act of worship. Check it out! emergentvillage Click on "multimedia" and then Artist's Corner. There's some very cool stuff there.
Spent the evening with my friend Heather last ight. Had the best time I've had in a really long time. The funny thing abuot that is... we didn't "DO" anything! We went to a coffee shop and had a coffee (got kicked out because the stupid place closed at 9:00... on a Friday night!!! Whatever!!) After that we just drove around and talked. We talked about how we wished it was summer so we could go sit in a park somewhere and talk. But it wasn't summer so we just drove arond and talked. We laughed a lot. It felt good to laugh. We played charades, counted skunks and carwashes... talked about everything and nothing. It was very good. We managed to fill up almost another three hours just driving around talking.
I must admit I was also trying to convince her that Westland would be a great place to live. You see, she and Doug are looking to buy a house and they are talking about moving away... I don't know... South Lyon, Dundee.... somewhere like that, I think. And just between you and me that thought terrifies me. I haven't said anything about this to anyone but the htought of them moving that far away scares me to death. I know it's not like they would be moving to another state or anything but I also know how life goes. It's happened to me 3 times in my life already. My first "best friend"... Stephanie Overholt.... we used to say we were going to become professional dancers together (okay stop laughing.. this was many years ago!!) We had this whole routine worked out to the song, "Ooo ah, oo ah cool cool Kitty...." It was fantastic! After a couple years in our town her dad got transfered. When they moved we SWORE on our lives that we would always be best friends and we'd talk every week.... you know how those promises go... A year or so later Andrea Barnum and her family moved to town. Instant friendship. I (a little more slowly this time) became best friends with this great girl. Oh the fun we had together... roller skating in her huge basement, having make up parties, sleepovers, I "lived" at her house for several weeks when our house was having an addition put on. And then one day, the dreaded news again... her Dad had been transfered. Oh how I cried. We cried together. Another round of promises to stay best friends.... they day they left she gave me a card. inside she had written, "You made it before I came, you'll make it again." I still have that card. A few years after that I met Kathy. For those of you familiar with the "Anne of Green Gables".series she was my Dianna... my "kindred spirit". She and I were friends during High School... those awful teenage years! We dieted together, we wrote songs together (Bakery Days was my favorite!) , we were going to "get discovered" and be famous together. We dreamed together, spent nights out at the cottage listening to the waves in the dark, talking about where we would be in 5 years, 10 years, 20 years. In every scenario no matter what the details, we were in it together. Then it happend again. She moved to Toronto to go to College. Nothing was ever the same after that. It never is. Not sure I can got thruogh this again.
I'm so afraid about Doug and Heather moving. I don't want to discourage them. I know what it's like to dream of owning a home. Went through that last year! But a part of me wants to beg them to please not go. The very thought of it makes this panic feeling rise up in me. I can't talk to them about his because I know I'd start bawling. Can't have that.
Wow this was just going to be a short little post to say where I got the cool pictures from. Oopsy!
Spent the evening with my friend Heather last ight. Had the best time I've had in a really long time. The funny thing abuot that is... we didn't "DO" anything! We went to a coffee shop and had a coffee (got kicked out because the stupid place closed at 9:00... on a Friday night!!! Whatever!!) After that we just drove around and talked. We talked about how we wished it was summer so we could go sit in a park somewhere and talk. But it wasn't summer so we just drove arond and talked. We laughed a lot. It felt good to laugh. We played charades, counted skunks and carwashes... talked about everything and nothing. It was very good. We managed to fill up almost another three hours just driving around talking.
I must admit I was also trying to convince her that Westland would be a great place to live. You see, she and Doug are looking to buy a house and they are talking about moving away... I don't know... South Lyon, Dundee.... somewhere like that, I think. And just between you and me that thought terrifies me. I haven't said anything about this to anyone but the htought of them moving that far away scares me to death. I know it's not like they would be moving to another state or anything but I also know how life goes. It's happened to me 3 times in my life already. My first "best friend"... Stephanie Overholt.... we used to say we were going to become professional dancers together (okay stop laughing.. this was many years ago!!) We had this whole routine worked out to the song, "Ooo ah, oo ah cool cool Kitty...." It was fantastic! After a couple years in our town her dad got transfered. When they moved we SWORE on our lives that we would always be best friends and we'd talk every week.... you know how those promises go... A year or so later Andrea Barnum and her family moved to town. Instant friendship. I (a little more slowly this time) became best friends with this great girl. Oh the fun we had together... roller skating in her huge basement, having make up parties, sleepovers, I "lived" at her house for several weeks when our house was having an addition put on. And then one day, the dreaded news again... her Dad had been transfered. Oh how I cried. We cried together. Another round of promises to stay best friends.... they day they left she gave me a card. inside she had written, "You made it before I came, you'll make it again." I still have that card. A few years after that I met Kathy. For those of you familiar with the "Anne of Green Gables".series she was my Dianna... my "kindred spirit". She and I were friends during High School... those awful teenage years! We dieted together, we wrote songs together (Bakery Days was my favorite!) , we were going to "get discovered" and be famous together. We dreamed together, spent nights out at the cottage listening to the waves in the dark, talking about where we would be in 5 years, 10 years, 20 years. In every scenario no matter what the details, we were in it together. Then it happend again. She moved to Toronto to go to College. Nothing was ever the same after that. It never is. Not sure I can got thruogh this again.
I'm so afraid about Doug and Heather moving. I don't want to discourage them. I know what it's like to dream of owning a home. Went through that last year! But a part of me wants to beg them to please not go. The very thought of it makes this panic feeling rise up in me. I can't talk to them about his because I know I'd start bawling. Can't have that.
Wow this was just going to be a short little post to say where I got the cool pictures from. Oopsy!
Tuesday, February 24, 2004
My husband is mocking me as I type this... He's singing, "Can you feel the mountains tremble, when Syndie blogs two days in a row..." Yeah, yeah... shut up!
I bought a keychain today because I loved what it said... "Every step of the journey is the journey." How's that for fitting, huh? This journey is my home. I am feeling a little more comfortable with that idea. Today, anyway.
I had a conversation with a friend of mine... someone who used to go to our former church (before it dissolved) . He and his wife have been "church shopping" since September or so. Haven't been able to find something they liked that had all the things they were looking for. {Editors Note: Syndie is showing great restraint here in not adding the editorial comments running through her mind about this previous sentence.} Long story short, this guy called me to let me know that they found a church. I told him that I was glad because I knew it had been causing some stress in their home. He said how glad he was to be able to get back into a church so that he could get back into Kingdom work again. Oh how my heart sank straight into my socks. WHAT HAVE WE BEEN TEACHING PEOPLE FOR SO LONG THAT HAS MADE THEM THINK THAT KINGDOM WORK HAPPENS INSIDE A CHURCH??????? Oh God, forgive us! Talk about adventures in missing the point! Oi!
I'm doing some Kingdom work tomorrow... except it's happening at a bowling alley with Sami's friend from school and her mom (Jennie of Dave & Jennie... I wrote about them a few weeks ago). We had a pretty significant conversation last week. She and her kids came over to hang out on Friday morning with us. While they were here her 2 year old pulled a picture album off the shelf that was all the pics of the Farewell Worship gathering in the Goff's barn that our friends had for us after we finished up at CCC. She was looking at them and then she asked the dreaded question... "What was this at?" Up until then she knew nothing of my "past life" (hee hee, it sounds so 'exciting', doesn't it?!) I had purposely not told her about Jim being a Pastor or me being a Worship leader or about our church related vocations. That information tends to really shift the direction of conversations. People get a little weird about it.. it's hard to explain but you ex-ministry people know exactly what I'm talking about. Anyway, it was a really cool conversation. She asked a lot of questions, the big one of course being, "Why aren't you doing that anymore?" which gave me an opportunity to share with her what we are doing and why. She was really interested. I invited her and her family to join us some Sunday for one ofour gatherings and she said she'd like to. Cool! The part of me that was trained at a good Bible Institute, who got an A in Personal Evangelism 101, who knows all the verses in The Romans Road gets nervous at this point and starts to think how I'm going to steer the next conversation back to a Spiritual subject so I can "close the deal", so to speak. The new part of me that is just so much different than that says, "That was a really cool conversation. I'll be interested to see what God does with that." and is looking forward to hanging out with her at the bowling alley tomorrow even if "The Subject" doesn't come up at all. I'll be glad to hang out with her next week and next month and next year, even if "The Subject" doesn't' come up again. And the really miraculous part is that I think I will enjoy being her friend even if "The Subject" does come up and she just says, "no thanks, not interested". That SO rocks my Personal Evangelism101 boat!!! Go God!
Wooo, am I rambling!! Okay.. wrapping it up. Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday (which will forever make me giggle because of my first experience with this Liturgical holiday. If you want to know why you'll have to ask! ) Then begins the Season of Lent. My friend Mike (from our community group) did some teaching about Lent at our meeting on Sunday and did a great job, I might add. It has made me really reflect on this season. I look forward to what God has to say to me during this time. Hope I can tune my ears to hear Him. Hope you can too.
I bought a keychain today because I loved what it said... "Every step of the journey is the journey." How's that for fitting, huh? This journey is my home. I am feeling a little more comfortable with that idea. Today, anyway.
I had a conversation with a friend of mine... someone who used to go to our former church (before it dissolved) . He and his wife have been "church shopping" since September or so. Haven't been able to find something they liked that had all the things they were looking for. {Editors Note: Syndie is showing great restraint here in not adding the editorial comments running through her mind about this previous sentence.} Long story short, this guy called me to let me know that they found a church. I told him that I was glad because I knew it had been causing some stress in their home. He said how glad he was to be able to get back into a church so that he could get back into Kingdom work again. Oh how my heart sank straight into my socks. WHAT HAVE WE BEEN TEACHING PEOPLE FOR SO LONG THAT HAS MADE THEM THINK THAT KINGDOM WORK HAPPENS INSIDE A CHURCH??????? Oh God, forgive us! Talk about adventures in missing the point! Oi!
I'm doing some Kingdom work tomorrow... except it's happening at a bowling alley with Sami's friend from school and her mom (Jennie of Dave & Jennie... I wrote about them a few weeks ago). We had a pretty significant conversation last week. She and her kids came over to hang out on Friday morning with us. While they were here her 2 year old pulled a picture album off the shelf that was all the pics of the Farewell Worship gathering in the Goff's barn that our friends had for us after we finished up at CCC. She was looking at them and then she asked the dreaded question... "What was this at?" Up until then she knew nothing of my "past life" (hee hee, it sounds so 'exciting', doesn't it?!) I had purposely not told her about Jim being a Pastor or me being a Worship leader or about our church related vocations. That information tends to really shift the direction of conversations. People get a little weird about it.. it's hard to explain but you ex-ministry people know exactly what I'm talking about. Anyway, it was a really cool conversation. She asked a lot of questions, the big one of course being, "Why aren't you doing that anymore?" which gave me an opportunity to share with her what we are doing and why. She was really interested. I invited her and her family to join us some Sunday for one ofour gatherings and she said she'd like to. Cool! The part of me that was trained at a good Bible Institute, who got an A in Personal Evangelism 101, who knows all the verses in The Romans Road gets nervous at this point and starts to think how I'm going to steer the next conversation back to a Spiritual subject so I can "close the deal", so to speak. The new part of me that is just so much different than that says, "That was a really cool conversation. I'll be interested to see what God does with that." and is looking forward to hanging out with her at the bowling alley tomorrow even if "The Subject" doesn't come up at all. I'll be glad to hang out with her next week and next month and next year, even if "The Subject" doesn't' come up again. And the really miraculous part is that I think I will enjoy being her friend even if "The Subject" does come up and she just says, "no thanks, not interested". That SO rocks my Personal Evangelism101 boat!!! Go God!
Wooo, am I rambling!! Okay.. wrapping it up. Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday (which will forever make me giggle because of my first experience with this Liturgical holiday. If you want to know why you'll have to ask! ) Then begins the Season of Lent. My friend Mike (from our community group) did some teaching about Lent at our meeting on Sunday and did a great job, I might add. It has made me really reflect on this season. I look forward to what God has to say to me during this time. Hope I can tune my ears to hear Him. Hope you can too.
Monday, February 23, 2004
Another couple weeks of life.
Good ones, in general. Everyday is a struggle with addiction but this is life. And life is good.
A few weeks ago I posted a note about my wonderfuly amazing husband (all still true and then some!!). He has been my rock in the last year of incredibly stormy weather.
However, I must confess that were it not for another source as well, I'm quite sure my boat would have capsized by now. I am referring to my dearest and best of friends... Doug and Heather Hovey. Undoubtably they have become like family to us. They have been a source of strength and encouragement, love, support, & laughter. They have shared our many tears and heartaches... things from the last year as well as things from many, many years ago. They have encouraged me when I really wondered if I was going to make it. They have held me accountable in areas that I need them to, they have laughed with me (with and with out drinks!!) they have cried with me (well, okay... Heather has cried with me. Doug has handed me Kleenex... that counts too, right??) They have asked me hard questions and made me answer them. They have told me the truth... gently (most of the time!) I have confided in them my deepest of secrets and they have held them close to their hearts. They have earned my trust. I could go on but I won't. Suffice it to say this: I am a better person for having them in my life. I am deeply grateful to God for bringing us together as friends (even if I did have to chase you guys into the parking lot to finally get that to happen!!... so you really thought I was a wacko, huh?)
So, let it be known to one and all... my life is richer beause of my friends, my soul-friends, Doug and Heather.
And to you, Doug and Heather... I love you. Thanks for everything. Always. Forever. No matter what.
Good ones, in general. Everyday is a struggle with addiction but this is life. And life is good.
A few weeks ago I posted a note about my wonderfuly amazing husband (all still true and then some!!). He has been my rock in the last year of incredibly stormy weather.
However, I must confess that were it not for another source as well, I'm quite sure my boat would have capsized by now. I am referring to my dearest and best of friends... Doug and Heather Hovey. Undoubtably they have become like family to us. They have been a source of strength and encouragement, love, support, & laughter. They have shared our many tears and heartaches... things from the last year as well as things from many, many years ago. They have encouraged me when I really wondered if I was going to make it. They have held me accountable in areas that I need them to, they have laughed with me (with and with out drinks!!) they have cried with me (well, okay... Heather has cried with me. Doug has handed me Kleenex... that counts too, right??) They have asked me hard questions and made me answer them. They have told me the truth... gently (most of the time!) I have confided in them my deepest of secrets and they have held them close to their hearts. They have earned my trust. I could go on but I won't. Suffice it to say this: I am a better person for having them in my life. I am deeply grateful to God for bringing us together as friends (even if I did have to chase you guys into the parking lot to finally get that to happen!!... so you really thought I was a wacko, huh?)
So, let it be known to one and all... my life is richer beause of my friends, my soul-friends, Doug and Heather.
And to you, Doug and Heather... I love you. Thanks for everything. Always. Forever. No matter what.
Thursday, February 12, 2004
Life is good. So is God
Yeah, I know that's a switch from my last posting... and the few before that too... but, really, when it all comes down, my life is good. Really really good.
I had one of those moments tonight that made me realize that again. Nothing earth shattering. Actually, pretty mundane. We had a full day of life... work, school, the girls had Brownies and Daisys, we came home, I made dinner (a pretty good one, I might add!) After dinner we all pitched in and cleaned up (even JJ... who dropped his plate all over the floor on his way to take it to the sink!!) Then, there I was sitting at the kitchen table between my two girls helping them both with their homework, Jim was there in the family room playing some "made-up" sport with J.J. using an empty 2 litre coke bottle, a mini hockey stick, a baseball glove and a ball of some description (???), Harry Conick Jr. was crooning from the CD player.... and I just sat there in the middle of the real-time-real-life-everyday-run-of-the-mill stuff and I thought... "I have a great life. I LOVE my life. Really , I do." Yeah, sure there's still crap to deal with. Who doesn't have that, right? But seriously, I have an amazing husband who loves me, I have great kids who are really stinkin' cute and are growing up into really caring, loving, sensitive, polite kids (of course there are always exceptions...) we have a fantastic house... and while it's pretty mediocre by some people's standards it's WAY more than I ever thought we'd have. And I love it! I have great extended family (on both sides) I have some great friends, I have SO much compared to so many. My life is full and I am very grateful. God is good.
I guess I've been reflecting over the past few days on how much I love my life and my family. My brother-in-law got in a car accident that could have been much worse... the driver of the vehicle 2 cars ahead of him was killed.... My sister-in-law spent the day at the hospital today undergoing tests for suspected uterine cancer... she's like... 27 or 28 I think... man. Those kind of things make ya stop and think for a minute. Yeah, so maybe I am fat and maybe my daughter's friend Christopher is right and I do have "really, really fat legs" but who cares???? I mean, in the light of eternity who the hell really cares what I look like???
We had our friends Dave and Jennie over for dinner and the evening on Tuesday (their daughter Emilie is in Sami's Kindergarten class and they have a 2 year old littel girl, Megan) It was great to hang out with them. They are big Bon Jovi fans. Like.. HUGE Bon Jovi fans! It was fun to hear about that. Dave plays accoustic guitar. They live in the house that his Grandfather built for his Grandmother after the war. the house was built in 1919.... it's just a few blocks from here. How cool is that?! It's so great to be able to have conversations with people that don't come to an abrupt halt (or at least take a dramatic shift) with the asnwer to the question, "So, what do you do for a living?" Some of you will understand what I mean by that.
Anyway... it's late, I need to go to bed. Jim is out playing hoops with the guys, It's been really good for him to do that. It's been really good for him to "change careers"... (as weird as that sounds... going from a Pastor to a Custodian??? You'll just have to trust me onthis one.) It's been good. Life is good.
Peace.
Yeah, I know that's a switch from my last posting... and the few before that too... but, really, when it all comes down, my life is good. Really really good.
I had one of those moments tonight that made me realize that again. Nothing earth shattering. Actually, pretty mundane. We had a full day of life... work, school, the girls had Brownies and Daisys, we came home, I made dinner (a pretty good one, I might add!) After dinner we all pitched in and cleaned up (even JJ... who dropped his plate all over the floor on his way to take it to the sink!!) Then, there I was sitting at the kitchen table between my two girls helping them both with their homework, Jim was there in the family room playing some "made-up" sport with J.J. using an empty 2 litre coke bottle, a mini hockey stick, a baseball glove and a ball of some description (???), Harry Conick Jr. was crooning from the CD player.... and I just sat there in the middle of the real-time-real-life-everyday-run-of-the-mill stuff and I thought... "I have a great life. I LOVE my life. Really , I do." Yeah, sure there's still crap to deal with. Who doesn't have that, right? But seriously, I have an amazing husband who loves me, I have great kids who are really stinkin' cute and are growing up into really caring, loving, sensitive, polite kids (of course there are always exceptions...) we have a fantastic house... and while it's pretty mediocre by some people's standards it's WAY more than I ever thought we'd have. And I love it! I have great extended family (on both sides) I have some great friends, I have SO much compared to so many. My life is full and I am very grateful. God is good.
I guess I've been reflecting over the past few days on how much I love my life and my family. My brother-in-law got in a car accident that could have been much worse... the driver of the vehicle 2 cars ahead of him was killed.... My sister-in-law spent the day at the hospital today undergoing tests for suspected uterine cancer... she's like... 27 or 28 I think... man. Those kind of things make ya stop and think for a minute. Yeah, so maybe I am fat and maybe my daughter's friend Christopher is right and I do have "really, really fat legs" but who cares???? I mean, in the light of eternity who the hell really cares what I look like???
We had our friends Dave and Jennie over for dinner and the evening on Tuesday (their daughter Emilie is in Sami's Kindergarten class and they have a 2 year old littel girl, Megan) It was great to hang out with them. They are big Bon Jovi fans. Like.. HUGE Bon Jovi fans! It was fun to hear about that. Dave plays accoustic guitar. They live in the house that his Grandfather built for his Grandmother after the war. the house was built in 1919.... it's just a few blocks from here. How cool is that?! It's so great to be able to have conversations with people that don't come to an abrupt halt (or at least take a dramatic shift) with the asnwer to the question, "So, what do you do for a living?" Some of you will understand what I mean by that.
Anyway... it's late, I need to go to bed. Jim is out playing hoops with the guys, It's been really good for him to do that. It's been really good for him to "change careers"... (as weird as that sounds... going from a Pastor to a Custodian??? You'll just have to trust me onthis one.) It's been good. Life is good.
Peace.
Tuesday, February 03, 2004
Have you ever had a secret fear... somthing that you always dreaded happening... but you never talk about it? I do. And this fear was realized for me this morning.
My daughter came in to my room while I was getting dressed. She sat on my bed for a munite and then said matter-of-factly-, "Mommy, why are you so fat?" Stunned I just stood there for a minute and tried to force myself not to cry. I said, "Well, honey... I, uh... am, I've tried to... um.. " At that point she said, "Christopher said you're fat and that you have really, really fat legs. I told him that wasn't very nice."
Binge, anyone?
My daughter came in to my room while I was getting dressed. She sat on my bed for a munite and then said matter-of-factly-, "Mommy, why are you so fat?" Stunned I just stood there for a minute and tried to force myself not to cry. I said, "Well, honey... I, uh... am, I've tried to... um.. " At that point she said, "Christopher said you're fat and that you have really, really fat legs. I told him that wasn't very nice."
Binge, anyone?
Friday, January 30, 2004
wahoo! Look at me... blogging twice in the same month! Amazing!
Josiah has been really sick the past few days...I really shouldn't be sitting here blogging because for the past 2 days I have done practically nothing around the house cuz I've been holding my boy... otherwise he would wake up and cry. It was like having a newborn again! So... the laundry hasn't been touched, dishes everywhere, the kids rooms are trashed... like, seriously trashed. i have 9 ladies coming over for the whole day tomorrown to work on their scrapbooks (it's part of my CM business... it cost's them $ to come. It's not me just being nice or anything ;>) ...) and i have to make a lasagna, a dessert, clean the bathrooms, dust (how do you do that again???) vaccume, blah, blah, blah. So, I really have no time to be sitting here doing this. But... here I am!
Still so much weirdness in my life. I have never felt this uh... displaced... for so long. There have been lots of transitions in my life.. moves here or there, change jobs, change churches... but I always seemed to be able to figure out where I fit and just settle in. Well, I can't find that place anymore... and it's not for lack of looking. I'm just not sure who I am or where I fit.
I'm certain that my friends are getting tired of me... i'm getting tired of me. I confided in one friend awhile ago about some really significant struggles I was having. I guess I was in a round about way, asking for help.. accountiblity.. grace.... I dont' know what. Then I got worried thinking, "what am I going to say when this person asks how things are going in this area... I'm doing worse this week than last week... how am I going to say that..." No worries.. they haven't asked.
My husbad is the best... no, not just in "name" (bet, hey that's the first time I've ever heard that joke... glad I thought of it!)
He's just so wonderful. He's so patient and kind, he's so gentle with me when I'm being a drip. He puts up with so much from me... screw up that I am so much of the time. He never seems to get tired of checking in with me.. seeing how I'm doing. And, amazingly, he doesn't get annoyed with me when the answers never change.. "I'm lost.. confused, lonely, not doing well in my "struggle" areas..." at leaset he doesnt' seem to get annoyed... if his is, he doesnt' show it. He has this amazing way of loving me unconditionally and letting me know that. If I had a nickle for everytime he says (after I've verbally vomited all over him about what a mess I am and how I screwed up royally yet again in this area or that area), he'll say, "That doesn't chage the fact that you are a wonderful person and it doesn't change my love for you." He makes me want to be a better person. Hon, if you're reading this... know that I love you and I would be utterly lost with out you.
okay... have to go. My baby boy woke up and is crying for me. I'll chat again in a week or 2!
Josiah has been really sick the past few days...I really shouldn't be sitting here blogging because for the past 2 days I have done practically nothing around the house cuz I've been holding my boy... otherwise he would wake up and cry. It was like having a newborn again! So... the laundry hasn't been touched, dishes everywhere, the kids rooms are trashed... like, seriously trashed. i have 9 ladies coming over for the whole day tomorrown to work on their scrapbooks (it's part of my CM business... it cost's them $ to come. It's not me just being nice or anything ;>) ...) and i have to make a lasagna, a dessert, clean the bathrooms, dust (how do you do that again???) vaccume, blah, blah, blah. So, I really have no time to be sitting here doing this. But... here I am!
Still so much weirdness in my life. I have never felt this uh... displaced... for so long. There have been lots of transitions in my life.. moves here or there, change jobs, change churches... but I always seemed to be able to figure out where I fit and just settle in. Well, I can't find that place anymore... and it's not for lack of looking. I'm just not sure who I am or where I fit.
I'm certain that my friends are getting tired of me... i'm getting tired of me. I confided in one friend awhile ago about some really significant struggles I was having. I guess I was in a round about way, asking for help.. accountiblity.. grace.... I dont' know what. Then I got worried thinking, "what am I going to say when this person asks how things are going in this area... I'm doing worse this week than last week... how am I going to say that..." No worries.. they haven't asked.
My husbad is the best... no, not just in "name" (bet, hey that's the first time I've ever heard that joke... glad I thought of it!)
He's just so wonderful. He's so patient and kind, he's so gentle with me when I'm being a drip. He puts up with so much from me... screw up that I am so much of the time. He never seems to get tired of checking in with me.. seeing how I'm doing. And, amazingly, he doesn't get annoyed with me when the answers never change.. "I'm lost.. confused, lonely, not doing well in my "struggle" areas..." at leaset he doesnt' seem to get annoyed... if his is, he doesnt' show it. He has this amazing way of loving me unconditionally and letting me know that. If I had a nickle for everytime he says (after I've verbally vomited all over him about what a mess I am and how I screwed up royally yet again in this area or that area), he'll say, "That doesn't chage the fact that you are a wonderful person and it doesn't change my love for you." He makes me want to be a better person. Hon, if you're reading this... know that I love you and I would be utterly lost with out you.
okay... have to go. My baby boy woke up and is crying for me. I'll chat again in a week or 2!
